There is a misconception that married couples do not require consent before engaging in sexual activity. However, sexual consent is essential for ensuring that both partners feel at ease with intimacy. At times, both spouses may also wish to decline their partner's invitation for sex.
How can one refuse such an invitation to avoid disappointing their partner?
Why is sexual consent important?
Being in a relationship like dating or marriage does not grant permission to engage in sexual activity without consent. Consent is required from all parties involved in sexual intercourse, even in marital relationships. Engaging in sexual activity without your partner's consent can be classified as an act of sexual violence.
Before engaging in sexual activity, you and your partner have the right to discuss boundaries, expectations, and desires regarding intercourse, and vice versa. Obtaining consent before sexual activity demonstrates your respect for your partner's needs and desires, as well as your commitment to the relationship. This mutual understanding allows both you and your partner to feel comfortable with engaging in sex.
Read more: What Is The Ideal Frequency Of Sex For Married Couples?
How to refuse an invitation for sexual intimacy with your spouse?
In the context of a marital relationship, there are moments when either the husband or wife may not feel prepared or comfortable for sexual intimacy. There may be a desire to refuse an invitation for sexual intimacy but a fear of upsetting one's partner.
Nevertheless, it's important to recognize that sexual intimacy should always be consensual and based on mutual agreement. Therefore, both the husband and wife have the right to refuse an invitation for sex if they are not willing to participate.
Refusing an invitation to have sex is not easy, especially when you want it too but your physical condition is not favorable. You might be worried that refusing an invitation to have sex might make your partner lose sexual desire, which might affect the harmony of your relationship with your partner.
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However, proceeding without obtaining consent can potentially lead to sexual violence, which is unacceptable. Consent is essential in sexual interactions. Furthermore, openly discussing desires and intentions can enhance intimacy in the relationship.
You can refuse to have sexual intimacy by:
1. Converse politely
When it comes to sexual consent, simply saying "no" is a clear way to refuse sexual intimacy. You are not obligated to provide a detailed explanation for your refusal. However, it is perfectly acceptable if you choose to share your reasons for having sexual intimacy.
You might mention that you're exhausted from looking after the children or from a long day at work, you're feeling unwell, or you're not currently feeling a strong sexual desire.
2. Show affection in your way
To avoid disappointing your partner when refusing the invitation to have sexual intimacy, you can engage in intimate activities together, such as kissing and cuddling. This closeness demonstrates your affection and reassures your partner that your refusal doesn't signify rejection or neglect. You may also suggest sharing a meal, watching a movie, or participating in other activities as gestures of love and affection.
Refusing sexual intimacy with your partner can be challenging, but you have the freedom to refuse if you are not comfortable or ready. If you have any questions about intimacy, you can visit a doctor or use the consultation features available in the Ai Care application by downloading it from the App Store or Play Store.
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- dr Hanifa Rahma
Planned Parenthood. Saying “No” to “Sex”. Available from: https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/teens/relationships/all-about-communication/saying-no-sex
Miller, K. (2022). How to Respectfully Decline Sex. Available from: https://www.wikihow.com/Respectfully-Decline-Sex
Santos-Longhurts, A. (2019). Your Guide to Sexual Consent. Available from: https://www.healthline.com/health/guide-to-consent#